Curveball(s)

I should have seen it coming. Things were so bad. People were annoyed after two years of a pandemic that is still ongoing. Two years of financial uncertainty where the rich got richer and the poor, well, if they didn’t get poorer, they died of Covid. Harsh? Certainly. Showing a side of life that exists but is not talked about enough? Certainly. So of course it could only go worse and the rich and mighty thought it was the best time to start a war and the mobilization of weapons for a potential nuclear world war. Fun times. <insert sarcasm here>

Except, that is not true for me. Life got so much better than I could ever have imagined it. So much has happened since the last time I got to write anything here. Life has done several 180 changes, so by mathematical standards, I live in a caleidoscope now.

The job is absolutely amazing. I never could have imagined how stimulating a diverse environment is. How much I missed speaking in German. Going to the office, the gym, the cafeteria, the team meetings, and truly every little aspect of the job is innovative and forward-thinking. Oh, and my badge is a purple apple. Swoon.

My social life has never been more active. Ever. I have recently seen the episode of Big Bang Theory where Amy is hosting Penny after she slept with Raj. She is raving about telling her 13-year-old self that it does get better. Yes, Amy, preach girl! But seriously, the people here are the most welcoming I have ever met. I never feel out of place, like I don’t belong because I am not Irish. They never question my choices, my intelligence, or my name, they just accept me for me. Live and let live to the fullest extent of its meaning. Oh, and they listen to 90s and 2000s hits in the cars and on the streets. Bliss.

Now for the best part hands down. A man that I was not looking for and he was not looking for me either, but we found each other, and by God, it’s good that we did. Very good. That is the part I am most grateful for and scared to lose.

***

By now you’re confused because I started out with war thoughts and things don’t make no sense. They’re about to.

Russia and Ukraine have been at war for months now. Nobody really thought it would last this long. We all had hope, at least an ounce, that it won’t grow. That it will stay localized. But as days pass rapidly, there is just no end to it. The people are suffering in Ukraine, Russia, and all the surrounding countries.

I am afraid like never before for my parents who live an hour away from the Ukrainian border. I am afraid for my aunt and uncle, for my cousins, for my second mom and little brother, and for my friends who all live in a country that now supplies weapons to Ukraine. And countries that do this now have a clear target on their backs. A target put on them by Putin. Because please don’t confuse Russia with Putin. Just like you should not confuse America with Trump during his years as president. This war is not a nation against another nation. It is men that are in a position of power going against other men that are also in a position of power and are sizing up their du(i)cks to see who’s is bigger.

Since these powerful men learned nothing from history and didn’t feel the pressure of the last two years so intimately like most of us, it forces, again, most of us, to be under even more pressure. To feel scared and hopeless more often, to make plans all through the alphabet of what we should invest in, what we can or cannot buy, if it is worth it to get a second heater when there might not be gas to use it with, so better make it electric altogether, but there could be energy outages as well. It feels unwinnable. An absolutely losing game for the masses who are fodder in the system.

Coming to Ireland was the best decision of my life. But it put me in the position of being two bus rides and a plane ride away from my parents and home. The intensifying nuclear war issue and general Russian retaliation against countries that supply weapons to Ukraine gave me the curveball of my life.

Because I know what made me into the person I am now that thrives in this new country. It was the people, my people, that now live in a danger zone. And I cannot do anything. Zilch. Because I am a small one. Sadly, I have a feeling that most of us have this thought these days. And even though we are just slowly recovering from a pandemic, I feel more useless than before. The uncertainty of it grinds you down every day. You debate whether to read the news or just be sane for a day.

But even if you don’t read it, some news tab pops open that former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe has been shot point blank. In a country which was considered one of the safest due to its harsh gun laws.

And then I call my parents on Skype and see them smiling through the screen, but feel that they are scared of losing everything they have worked a lifetime for. They are tired of having to step up again because of men in positions high up in the clouds with very little oxygen (this would explain a few things, honestly). They are not expecting me to protect them, but if something happens, I would not be able to even hold their hands and to thank them one last time for everything they have done. And then I remember what I have gained in the past half a year and I just cannot lose these people now. And I cannot lose the people at home. Curveball(s).